Petunia Caper

The petunia caper happened 20 years after the bicycle theft. It was different. My baskets of purple petunias hung from our front porch and were in plain view, clearly unlocked. I knew when I purchased them for way too much money, that there was a risk involved. They were gorgeous and they gave off a heady sweet scent after dusk. My husband and I enjoyed them a lot and so did many passersby who slowed down and complimented us on them.

One morning, July 16th, 2008, to be precise, I woke up hot at 3 am, padded out onto the front porch for some fresh air, and asked my husband if he’d done something with the petunias. He thought I’d done something with them. Clearly, someone had done something with them but it wasn’t us! Before I got too upset, I marched upstairs to the computer and within minutes had emailed a letter to the Newport Daily News. When you live in a small place the most-read parts of the paper are the obits and the letters to the editor.

Then I tried to go back to sleep. About 6 am the phone rang: it was my husband telling me that purple petunia petals were littered all over the sidewalk of our street. 2 blocks of petals, and then he had to catch the bus. I got myself dressed quickly and filled my backpack with my cellphone, a camera, and a pad and pen. Before I was at the end of the trail of petals, my husband telephoned again, telling me that if I spotted our petunias, to call police for help in retrieving them. At the end of our street I saw that the petunia petals went up Broadway. I followed them for a block and a half and then the trail went dead. For some reason I looked up at the sky and I saw our petunias hanging from the front porch of a huge yellow brick house across from Charlie’s 5 & 10, along with about 17 other mismatched flowering plants.

Clearly, we had a plant-loving thief on our hands. I photographed the booty and then walked several houses away before I called the police for their aid in retrieving our petunias. The dispatcher told me the police would get back to me after the shift change at our house. At 7:20 am a policeman drove up and invited me for a ride in his hard plastic back seat. He had already spoken with the petunia thief who had not been quick to answer the door. The thief insisted that he’d purchased the plants at Walmart in January. The policeman told me that he didn’t know much about plants, but he did know you couldn’t purchase flowering outdoor plants at Walmart in January. We parked in front of the house and the officer said to me, “Lady, are these your purple petunias?” I said, “No, officer, those are someone else’s hot pink fuschias.” The police got out of the squad car
And went up the stairs to that yellow brick house and rang the bell. After 5 or 10 minutes without result, he came back down and told me he was calling for backup. In about 2 minutes, 2 policemen went back up the stairs to that front door. The thief was slow to answer the door. About 5 minutes later, each policeman , bearing a basket of purple petunias, came back to the car and asked if these were my plants. They were a little worse for the wear but they were our plants.

The policeman drove me home and hung up the plants for me again. After that, I wired them up with floral wire so they’d be pretty difficult to walk off with again. I also bought some plant food and nursed the poor plants back to health. Now if you ever need help finding something- you know you to call: Rowena D. Burke, Ace Plant detective!